foxborn

Day one


Woke up in a strange place. My head feels fuzzy. No clue how I got here or even where "here" is. Decided to keep a journal so I don't forget anything else about my life. I seem to be in some sort of cave. I found the entrance of the cave. It was night time. I don't seem to have any sort of light on me at the moment and I don't feel like stumbling around in the dark. Maybe I'll remember something in the morning. If nothing else at least I'll be able to see then. So much for my eventful first day.

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
Foxborn goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Dark Priest.
astranyx gives you 5 tan peach-flavoured pieces of taffy.
calicokat gives you 17 orange evil-flavoured nuggets.
cassthekitty tricks you! You get a used tissue.
clozackpassion gives you 5 mottled green raspberry-flavoured wafers.
cygupi tricks you! You lose 26 pieces of candy!
hawk1377 tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
pixie_bee gives you 5 red pineapple-flavoured wafers.
shywyn gives you 16 red-orange coffee-flavoured jawbreakers.
snapes_wolfie tricks you! You lose 8 pieces of candy!
wishingstar gives you 10 orange coffee-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
Foxborn ends up with 23 pieces of candy, and a used tissue.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

you are lightcyan #E0FFFF

Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well. Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working. Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

Retook it and got this:

you are mediumauqamarine #66CDAA

Your dominant hues are cyan and green. Although you definately strive to be logical you care about people and know there's a time and place for thinking emotionally. Your head rules most things but your heart rules others, and getting them to meet in the middle takes a lot of your energy some days. Your saturation level is medium - You're not the most decisive go-getter, but you can get a job done when it's required of you. You probably don't think the world can change for you and don't want to spend too much effort trying to force it. Your outlook on life is brighter than most people's. You like the idea of influencing things for the better and find hope in situations where others might give up. You're not exactly a bouncy sunshine but things in your world generally look up.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

I think the 2nd might be more accurate.

Turns out for the past 2 weeks I've had bronchitis. Very icky. This past Friday I attended my uncle's funeral. Everyone thought he had so much potential when he was young. Then he spent 30 years in a drunken haze, tearing any ties of friendship and family that he could get his hands on to tiny little shreds. He did some things that make me and the rest of my family ashamed that we were from the same bloodline. That being said...he was a human. And he was family. It was an extremely sobering experience to see him laying there in the casket. The general consensus was that we were expecting him to jump up at any second and scream "GOTCHA!" Such a time never came though. It's a shame that he's gone. It's an even bigger shame that he wasted so many years of his life avoiding life.
And then after all this, i guess the final straw was laid down today. I was on youtube lookin' random stuff up. There was this dude on here who made beautiful music with his flute, and it really touched my soul. And then I looked into the comments and found out that he had passed away recently. And then finally...i had a revelation. (...well....again.)
I'm not ready to die. For a long time now i've been saying how i've come to terms with death and whenever it's time for me to go i'll go without regrets. I guess it's good to live without regrets, but still...I do not want to die yet! I'm just not ready. There's still so much i've yet to do! I want to live, I want to keep on experiencing and enjoying life as i have the past decade. But most of all....I want to see tomorrow.

That's pretty much it...

I can't go yet. Not untill I see tomorrow. Once tomorrow is here, then I can go.

And that's the beauty of it. It will never be tomorrow. Because tomorrow is always a day away. Just out of reach.

So then...Until tomorrow...

1. I taste salty after jogging for an hour

2. the smell of mustard excites me

that is all.

My Personality

Neuroticism	71
Extraversion	21
Openness to Experience	98
Agreeableness	80
Conscientiousness	51

Mostly your emotions are on an even keel and you do not get depressed easily, however you are sensitive about what others think of you. Your concern about rejection and ridicule cause you to feel shy and uncomfortable around others. You are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Your fears that others will criticize or make fun of you are exaggerated and unrealistic, but your awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. Familiar routines are good, but sometimes you like to spice up your life with a bit of adventure or activity. You are tenderhearted and compassionate, feeling the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity, however you generally see others as selfish, devious, and sometimes potentially dangerous. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report. The best Buying Pet Gifts.

Oabbek Ghim shall be his name.

Uncle Fox.

Y'know...my skull feels a lot smaller when i actually put my hands on it and feel it than at any other time. I guess it's because it's basically the center of "me", of my thoughts, my personality, even my instinctual urges. My imagination being what it is...capable of forming anything without limits to design, shape, size, or composition, with pretty much limitless space (although i despise contemplating anything that's infinite. It makes me feel sad when i try to picture something that's infinite in my mind actually, and if i ponder infinity too long i start to feel dizzy and disoriented)...it makes sense that the place where my "me" lives would seem large. But honestly, it's just this somewhat oblong sphere that takes up at most 1 cubic foot of space (no, i haven't actually taken the volume of my head. That's just an estimation).

It's kinda cool that something so tiny that's merely made of bone, skin, and goo (yea...gettin' technical with the terms now) is capable of so much complexity. And there's still just so much about or own minds that we can't even begin to comprehend yet.

Some people see my love of darkness as being "emo" or something kin to it. I (obviously) don't agree. There's just a certain beauty to be had in darkness. Not complete darkness of course. But you can't sit there and tell me there's nothing beautiful about a moonlit night, or a candlelit room. Both of those situations contain on average more darkness than light.

Of course...that's a nonsensical statement 'cause as we all learned in science class, there is no such substance as darkness really. Darkness is merely the absence of light. Just as "cold" is merely the absence of heat. So if you look at it that way there can't be an amount of darkness or an amount of cold. But fuck science. I like thinking that darkness and cold are substances or entities.

How do our brains determine whether something tastes "good" or not? Is that one instinctual, or is that a learned trait. I've had fancy food before. Things people would have said was "gourmet" and is very delicious. But honestly a grease-laden pizza from Papa John's would taste better to me.

Also...why will Luna not eat anything but dry cat food and almonds? She'll lick potato chips or anything with a lot of salt, but other than that she will not eat anything but dry cat food. Not even cheese. Or chicken. Or fish.

Ok, my mind's done meandering for the night i guess.

Yes, another emo post. I'm not forcing you to read it if you don't want, but you've had fair warning.
( Cut for emo )
Summary:
I'm not depressed about the present. Never have been. My present situation is great. The future scares the shit out of me and i find that depressing.

It's funny how simply going to one certain forum and just perusing the threads posted there can put me in a nearly euphoric state of mind. But one has to wonder...at what point will i find the courage to step forward and make myself (or at least this entity called "Foxborn") known to the group of potential peers waiting there. Am I doomed to forever lurk deep within the shadows of anonymity, or will I step out into the silvery moonlight and present myself to this group of names who profess similar attitudes towards life? (for better or for worse)

And if I do step out, am recognized and then accepted, what will come of it? Will I learn that one secret that seems to have been eluding my grasp for 24 years now? And if so, once learned, will i wish it unlearned? Or upon being swept up in their ranks, will i find this group too are nothing but masks? Mere lumps of limestone, writing "star" on their chests with a magic marker and thinking they shine with brilliance? Or will i find that I'm the sedimentary rock with the erroneous label?

Will i form new relations with these people? Adding new allies, rivals, and sub-characters to the story of my life, or will my flighty nature cause me to lose interest, becoming "that guy" who appeared suddenly, but just as quickly faded back into anonymity.

Oh well. All these are just merely the random musings of my mind late on this autumn day, recorded here for Goddess-knows-what reason. Ignore it if you wish, or comment if it tickles your fancy, but these random posts will not stop, because you never know how anything will affect different people...even people you thought weren't paying attention, or you didn't know exist.

But you rarely have an impact on anyone if you're always silent.

-Anonymous #5,736,291

I love you all. Never forget to take time to enjoy life.

Once again hope has been given to me by post secret.

Someone sent a postcard saying how they got an iPhone but it still never rings and about how lonely they were. There was an email after that from a guy saying he felt the same way, and he gave them permission to post his name and # on the site. Instantly I was worried about him. I usually have low expectations of mankind, and i knew a bunch of assholes would probably call him and make fun of him or something.

Then I got to the end of the page and there was another email. This one from someone who called Ryan (the guy who posted his #). He said that he heard from Ryan how so many people had been calling him to wish him well and be kind. And this person...talking to a complete stranger with whom he had nothing in common except for loneliness...took time out of their day to try and make him smile and cheer him up. For no personal gain whatsoever other than knowing they did a good deed and made someone else happy. And from what was posted this person wasn't the only one.

It warms my heart to see people being kind...just random acts of kindness without any thought of reward or praise. Unsung heroes. This truly brought a tear to my eye.